La La Love The Pixies: The US Doolittle Tour Ends In San Diego

Reposted from Antiquiet

The last time I saw The Pixies‘ Doolittle tour, I was too young. As in: too young to get into the venue. My teen guy friends, Dan, Mike, and I snuck out of our houses and drove an hour south of Boston to sneak into a dive in Rhode Island called The Living Room. Whatever the consequences were going to be, it was worth it to see our very favorite band, one that most idiots in our school seemed to forgo for Guns N’ Roses and Vanilla Ice.

Sorry, but I didn’t want to collaborate and listen. I wanted to scream, stomp and gouge away to the man named Black’s surfy guitar riffs and Kim’s thudding bass lines. I wanted to slice up eyeballs and get rocked by Joe. Back then, when every one else wanted to bust a move, David’s La La Love You was my answering machine message and I could give a fuck about November Rain.

Our renegade trip to Rhode Island landed us right in the middle of the Pixies mosh pit action and we joyfully came out with a twisted ankle, a broken arm and a black eye, which we wore for weeks to come like underage badges of courage. After the show, Frank Black saw the shredded state I was in and bought me a coke. I got to have a soda with Black Francis. Can you say: BEST SHOW EVER?

It’s now twenty years later and everybody is all growed up, or at least we should be. Dan, who is now an anchor for ABC World News, faces many dangers on assignment in the Middle East, but I still think his most heroic moment was diving face first into that mosh pit. I should have moved on from music by now, but it’s part of my life. Now I talk to Frank/Charles via Twitter and Facebook, and I see him in Los Angeles quite often. The wide eyed teen getting her ass kicked in that mosh pit would want to be me, like, so much.

At San Diego’s Rimac Arena on Sunday (Sept. 26), the last stop of the U.S. Doolittle tour, I was hooked again from the very first plunk of Deal’s bass line.  I was overwhelmed by how much I love this album, this particular piece of music.  Is it possible for a piece of music to mean so much to one in their life? Time has marched on, but my love for Doolittle has not wavered one bit. Luckily, they played each song on the album, one by one.

As the twangy discordant strum of Here Comes Your Man began, a black and white film of the band started rolling, with the fabulous foursome in separate boxes, like a Pixies version of Help! It occurred to me, The Pixies could very well be my Beatles. My generation’s Beatles. Okay, they may not be as well known to the masses. They aren’t sold at Starbucks. They don’t have action figures and lunch boxes. They haven’t been knighted…yet. However, the Pixies are certainly as revered and respected, copied and influential to what has come next. Without the Pixies there would be no Nirvana. And without Nirvana, well most everyone I know would probably be out of a job. Just imagine, Ray Bradbury style, the imprint they’ve left on rock, grunge and indie rock. Now try to picture a world where they were never here at all.

Frank and the gang slid from track to track easily like they were hanging out with old friends. Kim teased the crowd, testing them, by shouting out at one point:

“This is Side Two, towards the end…where people get buried a little bit.”

She didn’t need to worry. The older crowd knew every word, as did the young punks wearing spirit hoodies and freshly bought Pixies tees. Everyone en masse insisted on two encores and they were treated to songs from Come On Pilgrim and Surfer Rosa. Standouts were Vamos and Gigantic and a hazy version of Into The White when a seemingly malfunctioning smoke machine made the arena visibility white out conditions.

The huge crowd sighed along with Kim’s ‘ahhhooooo’ as the band rounded out Where Is My Mind. The room lit up with stars and cell phone camera flashes and the backdrop played a video of warp speed galaxies, like some Lucas film – another great staple of our generation. Sure, there may have been improvements to the technology, equipment and special effects since then. But not the movies themselves. Same thing could be said for the music.

Long live the Pixies.

I Believe That Eddie Izzard Is Our Future

Biopics are normally saved for the icons that are old and wrinkled octogenarians reflecting back on their life of accomplishments. But what if through sheer grit, determination, talent and an unyielding belief in yourself, you’ve managed to cram all that life and success into half a lifetime?

Sarah Townsend began working with Eddie Izzard back at the Edinburgh Fringe Festivals in the 80s when he could barely get a time slot, if a laugh. Her career as a budding theater director and filmmaker followed a similar trajectory as the two learned by trying and failing and trying again. Sarah began filming Eddie’s journey and what culminated over the past ten plus years is the documentary Believe. The film is an Emmy nominated, uplifting look of how a transvestite street performer can become one of the most iconic and lauded performers of his time.

© 2010 Halyon Films

ALI MACLEAN: Let’s talk about your early days at the Edinburgh Festivals — starting with the Salieri/Mozart rivalry you had with those evil Fry & Laurie characters who thwarted you.

EDDIE IZZARD: They weren’t evil, they were just better. I think I’ve gotten better since then. Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie and Emma Thompson were in the Cambridge Footlights where Monty Python had come out of. I was trying to get into Cambridge, just to get into the Footlights. So these were the guys who succeeded in getting into Cambridge, and being in the Footlights. And they were better, so it was two kicks in the head, really.

A: Was it hard for you to believe back then? Did it take time for you to build your confidence?

E: I decided at seven to become an actor and at sixteen I made a private pact in my own head that I was going to do this and I wasn’t backing out of it. At the same time I was going to career advisors with my Dad and Step-mom and saying I might be an architect, but I just was coming up with things. I knew I wasn’t going to do those things. I wanted to do this. It just seemed a million miles off.

A: Your one hundred percent belief in yourself has worked out for you. I, for one, am glad that you didn’t give up, but are there any people out there that you wish had given up on their dream?

E: I don’t know if I should start that list. If you think about determination, if people have a heart and are determined, they can get to that place. But there are a lot of negative people who were enormously determined. All the Nazis were determined. They wanted to murder everyone. Everyone with a bad heart, who doesn’t care about people, I wish they hadn’t started. People with a bad heart can all fuck off.

A: What do you think about mass marketed guru stuff about believing like ‘The Secret’ and best selling books that teach people how to manifest their dreams? You know, all the books on tape and workshops and week long retreats.

E: I have done my own version of that for myself. I do realize that the word ‘believe’ is part of the word ‘faith’. And I don’t believe in God. So I’m a non-believer in the non-visible. I’m a believer in us; in humans. I think people either see the glass half full or half empty and suffer from depression or are prone to depression. I’m like my Dad and I don’t seem to have that. I’m consistently able to regroup fairly quickly. It’s much harder if you suffer from depression. You know, comedy improv has a lot of positive thinking in it. It’s all about ‘Yes, and…” If someone says “I am the King of Prussia.” You have to say “Yes, and I have your new shoes.” It’s a glass half full method. So positive thinking is great, as long as you’ve got a positive message. If you’re a positive thinker and you’re a dickhead, well, these are the complicated things of human existence.

A: Sarah really showed in the film how controlled and structured you are with putting together a show. A lot of comedians and actors spend their lives complaining on TMZ or their act is completely neurotic, like a Rorschach test. Do you attribute your success to your military background and that discipline?

E: It definitely helps. I kept pulling back and regrouping. You get knocked down and you get up and go back into the fray. Though, I don’t feel that disciplined because I’m incredibly lazy. I’m like a large ship. Once you get the ship going you can’t stop it. But once you stop it you can’t get it going again. I tend to like to watch black and white movies on Turner Classic or AMC. Apart from talking to you today I’m not doing anything and I like that.

A: I have a feeling our ideas of lazy are different. I think I could challenge you to a sloth-off and I could probably win.

E: Oh, I don’t know. Get me going…but I do start hating myself. People are offering me things now. So I’m trying to catch up on the years when I had nothing going. As you know the media is full of people taking off at seventeen. At sixteen years old they come in at number one.

A: Yeah, but they go to rehab when they’re twenty-three.

E: Yes. If I had to do it all again I’d do it the same way, but at the time, you want it to happen immediately. Learning that you have stamina is an excellent thing to know. If a project fails, I know I can pick myself up. Just like Clint Eastwood in a Fistful Of Dollars.

A: You’ve talked about future plans for politics and that your model would be more Franken than Schwarzenegger. I’m wondering if you think if Schwarzenegger would be a better politician if he were funny? Or maybe not a Terminator?

E: I’m more linked to Al Franken because of the comedy and because he’s a democrat. There’s no particular advice I can give Schwarzenegger…I’m pleased Prop 8 was overturned in California.

A: Do you think there is something about comedy and Al Franken’s satirical mind that lends itself to critical thinking and political policy?

E: Comedy is good at tearing down. If the right wing government is in power, comedy is good at tearing away at that. If the left wing government is in power, they will tear away at that too. So, I think comedy may be a hindrance in a way. I don’t subscribe to the theory that all politicians are crap. I think the ‘cool people’ often take that position.

A: So, are you prepared, when you take office in 2020, for Larry the Cable Guy to make fun of you for giving people clean drinking water?

E: Oh yeah, it’s gonna happen. If you’re a performer, people tend to be quite positive about you or they have no opinion. If you go into politics, it will be polarized. I’m ready for people to take swings at me. But then again I am a transvestite, so how much harder can it be to deal with political pressure?

A: You’ve talked in your shows and on The Riches about The American Dream. And you’ve mentioned the European Dream. Do you think you’ve achieved either?

E: I’ve started saying that I’m living the European Dream. Now I want Europeans to have the dream too.

A: Congrats on the Emmy nomination for Believe.

E: Well, I’m not nominated, Sarah is. She made my life worthy of being nominated. But hopefully there’s some lesbian girl in Pakistan or some transgender kid in Chile that sees the documentary and says, ‘Shit, I can do that!”

A: Or maybe some kid who’s trying to put together a tight ten-minute set to go up at The Comedy Store.

E: As long as they have something interesting to say and a good heart.

A: Yeah, we’re not trying to encourage any more Hitlers.

E: No. They can fuck off.

***

As Eddie said, Sarah Townsend made his life worthy of being Emmy nominated. How does one follow a man that runs 43 marathons in 51 days, performs his shows to sold out crowds at Wembley Stadium, and films blockbuster like Oceans 12. How do you capture a hummingbird on film?

ALI MACLEAN: This is your first feature length film and you are nominated for an Emmy. You run the risk of being called an overnight success — even though the film took, what, seven years to make?

SARAH TOWNSEND: Well over seven years. It’s one of those magical overnight successes that wasn’t really overnight. That’s really the storyline of the film. People really do work for ages. We wanted to make something that reflected what Eddie has put into his career because he gets the same comment. And of course it wasn’t. It was years and years before he finally got attention.

A: Eddie seems like a private person and the film shows that he is in control of things, certainly his emotions. Did you feels, as a filmmaker that it was hard to get behind that? Were you surprised that he wanted to do a documentary and let you behind the scenes?

S: I don’t think he thought that’s what we would be doing. I thought “Oh, because I know him, this will be so much easier.’ Far from it. I don’t think it was easy for anyone. It took four years to get an interview that was genuinely in the moment that was absolutely honest. He has like a sixth sense of when that little red light on the camera was on. It was unbelievable. If something interesting was going on and we started shooting he would instantly change his demeanor. Just at the point where we thought, “What are we doing? This is a special, but not a full movie”, then it happened. We got that scene with him. I think it was a real moment for him – he really shocked himself.

A: With his military background and the marathon running, he is so disciplined.

S: With the military stuff I was trying to show that he is a very early 20th century character. They don’t really make them like that anymore. Very stiff upper lip, “Carry on chaps”. You don’t encounter that much. He doesn’t complain. He doesn’t say: “That’s not fair.” He’ll just say: “Right, I’ll do some extra work, then.” In Britain we have a very powerful tabloid culture with celebrities on the front page crying with their make-up smeared and tears, and it’s kind of what you’d expect from someone who likes to dress up that way. It’s a very contradictory bunch of things going on with him, and that’s what makes him so fascinating.

A: Would you ever consider doing a documentary about Eddie’s future political run?

S: No. At this point it will be a while before I do another documentary. Doing it was an enormous film school experience and I don’t regret it for a moment. It was very humbling and exhausting and an incredible experience. I’m grateful for every moment of it now.

A: The theme of the film is believing in yourself. Eddie talks in his shows about believing in the American Dream and the European Dream. Do you believe in those?

S: In the UK a lot of people don’t like to try. There’s a different cultural thing. Here if you try and fail, you get up again and start again and keep going. People respect you for it. Even if you keep failing, they respect the tenacity.

A: We are a country of failures.

S: I love the fact that trying is respected. The American Dream: if you try, if you build it, they will come. I love that. It’s honorable. That’s part of what got this film finished in the end. It’s not really how it is in the UK.

A: It’s funny that you bring up ‘If you build it they will come’ the Kevin Costner movie quote, because he just built that oil spill machine and sold it for millions.

S: What? Not the Hadron Collider? In Geneva?

A: No, Kevin Costner, the actor, invented some centrifuge type device that supposedly separates oil from water and he sold it to the US government to help clean up the oil spill.

S:…You’re kidding.

A: No. He went before Congress. I guess anything is possible. I mean after The Postman and Waterworld, he staged this comeback. It’s The American Dream.

S: That’s the maverick spirit.

Believe has been nominated for an Emmy for Outstanding Non Fiction Special at the 62nd Primetime Emmy Awards 2010. It is available on DVD.

Eddie Izzard is currently performing on Broadway in David Mamet’s Race through August 21.

Guitar Town Is My Kinda Town

The Sunset Strip is pretty much already known as Rocknrollville. It’s infamous for hosting the rise and fall of many great musical careers, not to mention the debauchery. Oh the debauchery. However, with the Strip’s reboot and gentrification…it’s come back, if you will, the entire scene has come alive again. Why not name it Guitar Town?

photo by Christopher Victorio

In conjunction with Nic Adler’s whirlwind social media campaign and the Sunset Strip Music Festival 2010, Gibson has commissioned a pubic art project that features 26 ten-foot tall fiberglass Gibson Les Paul model guitar sculptures created by local and nationally acclaimed visual artists. Each piece celebrates a musician, personality, or influential moment unique to The Sunset Strip’s history.

Brian Wilson guitar

Among the pieces are guitars celebrating 2010 Sunset Strip Music Festival Honoree Slash, The Doors, Mötley Crüe and Sunset Strip nightclub founders Lou Adler, Mario Maglieri and Elmer Valentine (The Roxy Theatre, Whisky A Go-Go and Rainbow Bar & Grill).

Cherie Currie photo by Christopher Victorio

The Gala opening last night included a ribbon cutting ceremony at the Comedy Store and classic car convoy up to The Roxy and The Rainbow where guests like Cherie Currie of the Runaways, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, Strip mayor Rodney Bingenheimer, and Strip Kingpin Lou Adler gathered to rock out at the Rainbow and celebrate a little Sunset strip history.

Gibson Guitar Town on The Sunset Strip will be on display for the next six months, after which they will then be sold at a Gala Auction with all proceeds benefitting nonprofit organizations and charities.

Street Drum Corps Walks The Walk at the US Open Of Surfing

Often when making their way from humble beginnings to the arena setting, a band will play some odd gigs. State fairs, weddings, bar mitzvahs, cemetery hipster shows and if they chance upon it, the corporate gig. Some may balk at it and call it selling out, but a band that plans on not living on some girl’s couch  a band planning on owning their own equipment – and publishing, knows that getting paid to play instead of the other way around, is the business of show.

So this is why I found myself heading down to ‘the HB, yo’ to see the lads in Street Drum Corps, where they were performing a set at the US Open Of Surfing. Having played the Bamboozle tour, The Alt Brothers and Frank Zummo are no strangers to drumming in the hot sun, but this was right on the beach, right on the water, in close proximity to surf, sand and sunscreen. How would all the leather and studs and war paints hold up in these conditions?

Huntington Beach is only an hour away, but we may as well have needed a passport. Every cliche for SoCal life was immediately present. Barefoot girls in trucker hats? Tattoos of Tilly’s on their ass? Check. Dudes in Ed Hardy? Check. Guy with no shirt wearing a python as a scarf? Check! Los Angeles is supposedly the Babylon that the religious right is so worried about, but if you take a peek behind the Orange curtain, I think there’s a lot more to be sweating right in their own back yard.

As we approached the incredible maze like phalanx set up for the Open, throngs of half naked co-eds with day glo body paint milled about walking from booth to booth looking at displays set up by Nike, G Shock, Skull Candy, Converse and other sponsors. Each PA system at each booth bumped their sound louder, raffling off prizes and announced stupid human trick contests until it was a muddy mix of loud noise where one could only make out a few “yo, dawg” s and “aiiight bra!”s mixed in.

Before heading to the stage to catch the boys play, we decided to take in a bit of surfing competition. I walked down to the beach and looked towards the pier, scanning the horizon. Nope, no surfing going on as far as the eye could see. Strange that. Perhaps a bit later. What was still going on, was a LOT of shilling by Hurley, and other companies with their latest products with the latest technologies to stay drier, be louder, go faster, get drunker. Mixed with booze and free bands, the corporations had the kids as a captive audience. You really have to hand it to them. Genius.

Next to the BMX pit, a stage surrounded by trucker hat wearing teens and twenty somethings, Street Drum Corps took the stage with a rousing rendition of their single ‘Knock Me Out’.

Bobby Alt, sporting a new Billy Idol look, got the crowd singing along, though I’m pretty sure not many of them knew the song, which is definitely a coup.

Bobby Alt knocks the crowd out

What followed next is one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen…Hurley’s ‘Walk The Walk’ is a high school fashion design competition described as  as “Friday Night Football” meets “The Runway”.  After three months of online video challenges, six high schools from across the nation  compete with a runway show with their own Hurley collection in front of Hurley executives and ‘celebrity’ judges like actors from 90210, Lauren Conrad (from The Hills) and Camila Alves (Mrs. McConaughey).    .

What it was really like was a cheerleading/drill team competition from Bring It On, meets MTV’s Pimp My Ride, meets Glee on Crystal Meth. Don’t get me wrong, the designs these kids came up with were great. Some of the routines and dance ideas would make Broadway choreographer throw in the towel. But the onslaught of sparkle and spandex and commerce was very Californication.

And of course it was set up as a competition, for a $25,000 prize that Hurley was donating to the school. Which is awesome of Hurley. Because Hurley is giving a lot of money to help kids who have promising design careers ahead of them. However if you think about the money Hurley is saving…

Companies spend millions of dollars on market research on the teen market. They do a lot of research on what young people want to buy. Especially what young people want to wear. Wouldn’t it be genius to hold a competition around the country and get that market to show you, nay MAKE you exactly what they want to wear? Call it a contest. Throw them .001% of what you would have spent to figure it out. You are local heroes in the community…everybody wins. Surfs up, dude.

Sorry, the cynic is back to the previous blog in progress…

The high schools competing built routines with movable ramps and hoops and ribbons, basket tosses and stunts.

winning high school Corona Del Mar

Some had multi cultural messages, others stuck with the theme, Born In the USA. But the level of professionalism, both in the clothing and in the performance was tops.

Even the hostess, Anna Lynn McCord of 90210 seemed embarrassed to follow some of these teens with her lame stilted patter.

Anna Lynn McCord host unextraordinaire

As the judges conferred on who would take the prize, another band took the stage, Cobra Starship. I know of the band, because I know they were formed after one song written for a movie was a hit. ‘Snakes On A Plane’. You see where I’m going with this? As they launched into their first song, the only thing I could verbally mouth was “How did this happen?” Seriously. With all the talented bands working their asses off all over this great nation, How. Did. This. Happen? I can be patient and graceful, but I’ve found that my patience wears thin when record companies insult me. It reminds me of that Quincy Jones quote: “When you chase music for money, God walks out of the room.” Well some of this music really points towards atheism.

We quickly made our exit, the Street Drum Corps lads drums long silenced, their corporate job done. As we scanned the beaches and the horizons again, not one single surfer was out on the water. Perhaps the surfers who had been paid to surf were done and they had all gone home too.

the only surf board near the water

At least Street Drum Corps really shined and got paid to do what they do well.

That’s one small triumph for the creative spirit, in the face of the corporate Goliath.

Alternative Press Magazine Throw an Arty Party for Their 25th Anniversary

The 25^th Anniversary of Alternative Press continued it’s multi city revelry on Friday in Los Angeles at the Merry Karnowsky gallery where hundreds of iconic musicians and respected rock photographers displayed their art work.

The Cleveland based magazine, who have already celebrated with a big British themed show in Las Vegas, chose an Art Show themed party in Los Angeles, to pay tribute to all of the pin-up posters and amazing art work that has been featured in the magazine since it started.

Founder Mike Shea notes that when AP planned this party, they had some specific guests in mind.

“We are the forgotten child in the magazine world. We’re thought of as a fanzine. A magazine for kids. We create it for kids. We didn’t want to throw a party that was exclusive and for a bunch of advertisers. Kids don’t care about advertisers. They care about music and they care about artwork.”

Nick Cave by Marina Chavez

Amongst the rock n roll portraits of icons such as Trent Reznor,  Robert Smith, Elliot Smith and Nick Cave,  and favorite artists such as The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Beastie Boys, The Dandy Warhols, Taking Back Sunday and Paramore, there was art work created by musicians themselves.

Shirley Manson of Garbage fame created a knit on canvas creation called Peking Noodle.

Peking Noodle by Shirley Manson

Adam Jones of Tool contributed a bronze sculpture and Liz McGrath of Miss Derringer’s sculpture Eyes Of Dead Ophelia was a focal point of the exhibit.

Eyes Of Dead Ophelia by Liz McGrath

Rancid’s Tim Armstrong and Shepard Fairey, who were both on hand, proudly hung their paintings and multimedia silkscreen prints in between Marilyn Manson’s eerie watercolors.

Alternative Press founders with Tim Armstrong & Shepard Fairey Photo: Chelsea Lauren

There was even some living art in the form of a Dark Crystal styled monster greeting people on their way into the exhibit. In a sea of punks, goths, cosplay dollies and music denizens, the monster blended right in.

The welcoming committee

Along the back room of the gallery was a small shrine recounting the history of AP with many of the old covers, proofs from old photo shoots, and other memorabilia on display.

Nine Inch Nails memorabilia

One case even included Dave Grohl’s laminate for the Tibetan Freedom Concert that clearly states that his access should be restricted.

Dave's pass

Looking over all the covers throughout the years, the question begged: What makes a good cover? Mike Shea pondered thoughtfully.

“I spoke to some Vogue photographers recently and they said that the trend has gone away from Photoshop and post production. A lot of magazines are doing a raw pared down look. But they tell us to keep doing what we’re doing. Our audience was raised on video games and graphics and green screen technology. It reflects the generation. The stripped down cover doesn’t work for us. They want a lot going on.”

Luckily there was a lot going on both on the walls and in the room. The event was a big success. What was represented on the brightly colored pages on the walls seemed to spring to life as the party went on well into the night.

Paul Provenza Is Tearing Apart The Fabric Of America

In honor of The Green Room’s broadcast on Showtime, I am reposting my Huffington Post article and interview with the host of The Green Room and author of Satiristas, Paul Provenza.

Paul Provenza is a thirty-year stand up veteran and actor who made the critically acclaimed documentary The Aristocrats, about the dirtiest joke ever told. Now he’s brought the filth that comedians spew to America’s bookshelves with !Satiristas!, a new book with Dan Dion’s photography, and the Showtime series The Green Room, a behind the scenes look at today’s best comedians.

Will his witty propaganda ever be stopped?
ALI MACLEAN: Who the hell do you think you are, Paul Provenza?

PAUL PROVENZA: I’m someone who nobody would hire so I had to make my own shit.

AM: And that shit was your book !Satiristas!? What is a Satirista? Is it like a Socialist?

PP: Sort of. It’s more like a fashionista.

AM: In your book and on your show, The Green Room with Paul Provenza, which is premiering on Showtime this week, you give up and coming comics, like that commie, fascist, socialist Lee Camp, a platform. So why not give new comics like Sarah Palin a chance? Even Jay Leno, who is in your book, gave her a chance. Why isn’t she in your book?

PP: You know she’s just not funny enough.

AM: So it’s all about talent? What advice would you have for someone like Sarah Palin in her budding stand up career?

PP: Sarah Palin needs to use the words ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ more often, and then I think she will appeal to a wider audience.

AM: Don’t you think she probably does that behind closed doors?

PP: No, she IS a fucking cunt. But she needs to use the words more in her act.

AM: Do you agree with Jay Leno who, in your book, said that being a satirist will put you out of business in the comedy world?

PP: Right. Stephen Colbert and Bill Maher and I were all talking about that and we all agree with him. Bill called to borrow a few bucks and Stephen wanted me to come get him at the airport. He didn’t have enough for cab fare.

AM: So why is Jay Leno in the book !Satiristas! when he says he doesn’t believe in satire?

PP: Because he’s someone who is on TV and does a monologue about the day’s events everyday, and makes the choice NOT to take a stand on anything. We thought that would be rather interesting in the context of everybody else. Plus we’re all hoping to get on his show. We’re really just sucking cock.

AM: Do you think he’s maybe doing a satire of a blue-collar guy?

PP: That’s a good question.

AM: Hmmm, maybe I should have cut that one. Next question.
Mike Nichols said that you can’t be Ann Coulter and be funny. How about George Bush? Karl Rove? Paul, if you had to teach them in a comedy class could you train them to do a tight five-minute spot at the Chuckle Hut?

PP: They’re more sketch performers. They’re sketch as opposed to stand up. They write these elaborate sketches like the War in Iraq and the presidential campaigns.

AM: But much like SNL, the sketches go on forever and ever. How attracted were you to Ann Coulter when you two were on Red Eye on Fox News together?

PP: I was so attracted to her. I got her number from the producers. I went home and went on Craigslist and got some black thugs and was going to invite her over.

AM: Would you change your politics if you started falling for a woman?

PP: I wouldn’t change my politics but I was so attracted to Ann Coulter that I thought that maybe I was gay.

AM: Victoria Jackson. Satirist or truth-sayer?

PP: I have no idea what the fuck Victoria Jackson is. I think she is furniture. I’m not sure.

AM: How about Dennis Miller?

PP: Dennis Miller? Next president of the United States. He will go head to head against Al Franken. Unless the third party candidate comes in and sweeps, and that would be Dane Cook. Dane Cook is essentially a one-man tea party.

AM: In your Henry Rollins interview you ask: “Shouldn’t entertainers just entertain and shut the fuck up?” So, like, why don’t you?

PP: Because they stopped serving airline food.

AM: So if our corporations could get the airlines to serve food on airplanes, then you guys would shut the fuck up and entertain again?

PP: Yeah, we’d have something to talk about again.

AM: Why do most comedians feel the need to destroy the fabric of our country that Betsy Ross and so many hard working women toiled to weave with their weaving fabric making things?

PP: Weaving fabric-making things?

AM: The olde timey machine that makes fabric. I didn’t have time to google the name of it.

PP: We’re not really tearing apart the fabric. It’s already coming apart. We’re just pulling at the threads and seeing if we can make something else happen.

AM: You shouldn’t tear apart the flags. It’s an important part of America.

PP: Well, here it’s pertinent to quote the late, great Bill Hicks, and say: “Huh, my flag was made in Korea.”

AM: We don’t actually want to make them here today. We have someone else make them.

PP: Yeah, children in a third world country. That’s how we spread democracy.

AM: Exactly. They’re lucky. Guess you’re not going to answer that question so I will ask you another one. Aren’t most comedians just products of broken homes with shitty fathers? If you just had more hugs and more Jesus, would you even BE funny?

PP: Aren’t broken homes and shitty fathers the American way?

AM: In certain states. But if you go to church you can get over it and you can become a productive member of society.

PP: I actually go to church. I know it’s hard for you to believe. It’s only because you know that Jesus on the cross? I love his smooth hairless body.

AM: This is what I’m talking about when I say you’re ripping apart the flag that Betsy Ross and her weavers worked so hard on.

PP: I’m not ripping apart the flag that Betsy Ross worked so hard on. If I had the flag that Betsy Ross worked so hard on, I wouldn’t destroy it. I’d put it up on EBay because it’s gotta be worth some serious coin. And that is the American way.

AM: That is true. That is why I’m voting for Meg Whitman. Here is a comic’s question for you. When is too soon, too soon to do a joke? Will it being too soon make you want to do the joke more? If so, what’s wrong with you?

PP: Yes. I will want to do it more. As a comedian, I’m like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfold.

AM: You’re basically a comedic neo con. You create bad things and reap the benefits. Like Halliburton. You’re more of a Republican than I thought.

PP: There is no democrats or republicans, right or left, red state or blue state. We are all one. And we are all unified against Mexicans.

AM: Because they’re bad?

PP: We don’t want them coming here and taking their country back.

AM They’ve taken TV time slots too. Like Carlos Mencia.

PP: I am personally for open immigration but I’d like to restrict our borders specifically against Carlos Mencia. Cable TV is not protecting our borders.

AM: You’ve described your new show on Showtime, The Green Room, as comedy jazz. Most Americans don’t really get jazz, or like it. That’s why we listen to Britney Spears and country music. Care to reclassify the show?

PP: Yeah I know jazz is completely un-American. But the reason why America doesn’t like it is because it’s not funny. We’ve made jazz funny.

AM: Have you made it less ethnic?

PP: It’s less Mexican.

The Green Room with Paul Provenza airs Thursdays at 10:30 pm on Showtime

http://www.sho.com/site/greenroom/home.do

Satiristas!: Comedians, Contrarians, Raconteurs & Vulgarians
By Paul Provenza and Dan Dion
(IT Books, Hardcover)
can be found in bookstores everywhere or on Amazon

Satiristas: Comedians, Contrarians, Raconteurs & Vulgarians

Follow Ali MacLean on Twitter: www.twitter.com/aliontheair

Follow Ali MacLean on HuffPo: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ali-maclean

Billabong’s ‘Design For Humanity’ Proves Hollywood Hipsters Have None

Thursday night, Billabong and Paramount Studios hosted the 4^th annual Design For Humanity event to raise money and awareness for Invisible Children, a non-profit that helps children and families affected by the war in Uganda.

Invisible Children exhibit

I’ve been a supporter of Invisible Children for sometime now, as when I helped begin The Voice Project, Invisible Children was a model for what we wanted to achieve. The atrocities going on there are unbelievable. Joseph Kony is currently terrorizing five countries and it’s the longest running conflict on the continent of Africa, yet no one seems to know about it.

I admit I was a bit dubious about a bikini fashion show and block party helping the cause, but with popular artists such as Fischerspooner and Kid Sister on the bill, I was hoping for a fervent crowd of people ready to pitch in and make a difference.

The New York Streets of Paramount were decked out with food trucks, step and pose red carpets, the Hit + Run t shirt silk screening stations, Carmichael art gallery auctions, live art stations and, of course a Lakers/Celtics screen so the Lakers fans could watch their team go down in flames.

Different sections had popular DJs like Classixx and Pase Rock spinning for the upwardly mobile hipster crowd who swilled drinks and noshed for the charity while they waited for the fashion show and upcoming musical performances.

live painting at Design For Humanity event

As we sat awaiting the beginning of the fashion show, a film reel began, showing the Invisible Children efforts in Uganda…only to be drowned out by a DJ playing ‘Bust A Move’ by Young MC. Now, I’m a fan of busting a move and early nineties novelty songs. Who isn’t? But shouldn’t there be an ounce of gravitas given the nature of the film being shown? No? OK, moving on.

As a whole, the event was mildly entertaining. Billabong designed for humanity, if humanity is going to start dressing like the jail bait waifs on the new 90210.

a design for humanity

Kid Sister was a little like watching your kid sister put on a show. Then, Casey Spooner led his Tharpy twitchy dancers in a revamped version of his show, Between Worlds, sans the musical albatross around his neck, “Emerge”.

Casey Spooner & Company

After, my friend and I headed to the Invisible Children exhibit set up in a store-front across from the Carmichael gallery. There patrons could see the film reel, unfettered by MCs, rappers or movers, busting. There were also photographs of the children forced to fight in the war all around the room as well as the weapons they were forced to use, on display.

children with guns

It was a sobering moment and one that makes you count your blessings.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gaggle of girls in skin tight party dresses holding the guns, gangsta style, taking sexy pictures with their Iphones. One after the other, they posed with these weapons between their legs, licking the guns, humping them. I was immediately nauseated.

Then a few other hipsters picked up the hand grenades in the exhibit and mimed lobbing them at each other in a photo op frenzy. This went on for over twenty minutes. Dozens and dozens of different disaffected creeps played paparazzi with the weapons with the giant pictures of child soldiers looming over their heads. After fighting the urge to vomit on their American Apparel onesies, I asked a few of them why they were taking these pictures.

“Well, like, everyone else was doing it, and we thought it was fun.” Said one girl who clearly knew her spirit animal was a soulless cockroach.

I understand the need to entertain people for the money they plunk down for a ticket to a charity event, for it to be ‘fun’…but feet away there is a movie showing a genocide. So maybe a PARTY isn’t the way to raise money and awareness anymore. Maybe bikinis, Young MC, and cosmo martinis isn’t the way to get the message across that shit is rough in other parts of the world. Hell, shit is rough RIGHT HERE.

The problem is, these people think nothing about plunking down $30-$150 bucks to hang out with Kid Sister on the Paramount lot and ogle girls in bikinis. They didn’t really have to do anything proactive. Hell, they can even buy the tickets from their freaking iphone. That is, if they’re not already on the guest list.

What they don’t have to do is change. Anything. Their behavior, the laws, American foreign policy, Uganda, war, or they way humans treat each other. Which was evident by the pushing at the line for the bar.

Kid Sister and hipsters

I’ve been to a lot of Hollywood charity events. I’ve even participated in some. Some raise good money and are helpful. But most of them are a bigger PR push for the DJs and club promoters/energy drink sponsors that throw them. I guarantee if you polled the guests leaving some of these events that less than half could tell you the cause they were drinking for.

So maybe instead of throwing events for charity, how about we take the money and give it DIRECTLY to the charity. Or INVEST it in helping the people who need it.

I hope this event raised a lot of money. It seemingly failed, to raise ANY awareness or consciousness. In fact, I think that it proved the average Hollywood hipster’s devolution and frankly I’m disgusted.

If you would like to learn more about, donate to or get involved with Invisible Children, please visit INVISIBLE CHILDREN

Russell Brand’s Infant Sorrow Gets To The Greek

Many Los Angeles landmarks have been immortalized in films, but I believe this is the first time that a concert venue is part of the main plot point and in the title of a movie. Yes, our beloved Greek Theater is one of the main characters in the upcoming film, ‘Get Him To The Greek’.

The story is a spin-off of sorts from the film, ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’, where a record company intern is hired to accompany out-of-control British rock star Aldous Snow (Brand) to a concert at the Greek Theater.

On Monday night, The Roxy hosted the film’s other star, Russell Brand, as he debuted his character, Aldous Snow’s rock band Infant Sorrow.  The ever charming Brand appeared to thunderous applause like a Manson-esque ringmaster, giving the benediction “May we all get pregnant, even those of us without a womb!”

Then as a joyous surprise to many, he introduced Carl Barat of Libertines and Dirty Pretty Things fame, who kicked off the show with some “songs about death” to fit with the Infant Sorrow theme.

Sandwiched in a booth with some gal pals and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin’ to you) with other various Judd Apatow employees and Funny Or Die denizens milling about the VIP section, I cheered Carl on as he launched into his Dirty Pretty Things hit, ‘Bang Bang You’re Dead’.

Russell resurfaced with his co-star Jonah Hill, to bring out his character’s band in the film, Infant Sorrow.  Songwriters Dan Bern and Mike Viola took over vocal duties on songs like ‘Furry Walls’, ‘I Am Jesus’, ‘We Got The Clap’ and others that sounded like they should have been on the soundtrack for the film version of Motley Crue’s ‘The Dirt”. True, the songs are supposed to be bad on purpose, yet it doesn’t work on a Spinal Tap level.  After a while I felt like I had gotten to another type of Greek -  a frat house, where the in house improv troop were performing for Spring Carnival. We get it. We get it. We get it.

Brand finally did allow the audience to hear the dulcet tones of his voice in a duet with Barat, on the song Carl wrote for the movie, “Let’s Get Fucked.”

Brand, in his self-effacing, nervous fashion, demanded lyrics on paper and hung back, only to burst forward for the second chorus and steal focus as a self admitted attention-hungry comic of his stature will. The set was rounded out with an appearance with the Grand Pooh Bah and Frat House President, Mister Apatow.  Then the super group launched into a song penned by Jarvis Cocker, who couldn’t be there because, as Russell told us, “he couldn’t be arsed”.

The song, “Just Say Yes,” is the single being promoted off the soundtrack, and for this night, (which it turns out was one long musical commercial for the film),  was one of the better songs. Cocker, with this song and his scoring of Fantastic Mister Fox, has found himself a nice new niche in pop culture. Though I’m betting I’ll like Fox better than Greek, film wise.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love me some Russell Brand. And I do laugh at some of the Apatow films. But just like during this show, midway through most of his films I just get bored and sigh and think “when are we gonna find our female Apatow to champion the funny?”

I’m not talking any Nancy Meyers “It’s Complicated” bullshit. I don’t mean chick flick, leathery Jennifer Aniston finally finds a boyfriend tripe. Or any Sex And The City 12, crap. I mean the type of comedy that Liz Phair would want to see. Something funny, something raunchy, something smart…something for me.

Do I have to do everything myself?

If you want to Get To The Greek, the film opens June 4th. The soundtrack is available June 1^st from Republic Records.

Foreigner Plays For The Beautiful People – Checkitnsee

With an onslaught of press releases and invites, I have the humble luck of being highly selective with my night time activities. That being said, I can seem to be quite the jaded gal, a retired hipster – party girl, interrupted.

How many open bar/energy drink special/free t shirt/ipod dj events can one succumb to until you slowly numb out and freeze to death right in the middle of Cauhenga Boulevard? My Facebook event inbox tips well over into the hundreds which I barely read any more. I’m not showing off…I’m just protesting the glut of white noise.

Sometimes it takes something extra to motivate me to cover an event, find an angle, do the interview, write the article, put on the push up bra…unless it’s free champagne and FOREIGNER. Stop the presses.

I do love my indie rock. I appreciate the singer songwriters. I love my atmospheric sweeping geniused gems. I love my dirty bluesy garage rock. I love punk ditties. BUT, classic rock and hair metal will stop me in my tracks. I’ll admit it. When I am in my car, I’m a radio flipper. I don’t use the ipod. I scan…and I find myself bored a lot with the new music stations. I often keep going back to the classic rock of KLOS. Perhaps I’m becoming an old curmudgeon. Perhaps I am just in a Zep phase…but I just want to be comforted by people who wrote their own songs, who play their own guitars, who seduce you with a solo, and who never used auto tune, even if they can’t quite hit those high notes.

I love some of these KLOS bands, not in an ironic way. Def Leppard? It’s no Mysteria why. Scorpions? What’s wrong with a night of sin? Foreigner? I’m not shy (and I used to get around).

Most of the people attending the I Heart Ronson/JC Penny event last night were there to toast Charlotte Ronson’s t shirt line for the huge department chain, or flaunt their fashionista wares, or gawk and stare at the fabulous kids who sell People Magazine.

I went to see Foreigner. Not ironically.

Mick Jones of Foreigner is the step father of designer Charlotte, music producer/scenester Mark Ronson who DJed, and DJ/scenester Samantha Ronson who, ahem, sang an opening set.

Moving through an acoustic set of hits like Double Vision, Dirty White Boy, and I Want To Know What Love Is, Foreigner then debuted a new song that Micks’ step son Mark produced. The band then ended with a spirited rendition of Hot Blooded, which even the teenage models and disaffected reality celebutantes, seemed to recognize. Maybe because it’s the anthem of making it ok to be a groupie?

Many of the well dressed lookliloos stayed on hand to sample the over abundance of free junk food and open bar cocktails and to hear Samantha spin, but with Foreigner leaving the stage, my interest plummeted.

It’s about the music.

The Good, The Bad, and The Courtney – A Mini Review of SXSW

This year, South By Southwest was even more of a business trip for me. Not a search and destroy mission of boys, bands, and booze as it was for a lot of my friends. I had notes and cards, I had a freaking power point presentation…would I find the time to enjoy some aural pleasure?

As a panelist I felt a weighty duty to teach and impart pearls of wisdom to the musicians, label people and publicists who braved the rivers of green beer and gathered in the Convention Center for my seminar, Working The Press; Intellectual Intercourse and Interviews.

photo by christopher holcombe

We spent an hour discussing how to land a good radio or TV interview and how to behave properly once you do.

I realized as I was speaking that I was doing it, not only for the audience, but also for myself and my fellow hosts. As I showed the infamous clip of Johnny Rotten behaving badly on The Tom Snyder show, as well as that blisteringly uncomfortable Billy Bob Thornton interview, I realized that I may be helping many of my fellow talk show hosts and radio DJs in the process.

We are not the enemy. We are there to help and we love music just as much as the ones who create it. OK, so my speech was a little Jerry McGuire and a little Almost Famous. I got very Cameron Crowe on their asses. But I borrow from the best.

After the seminar was done, it was rock and roll camp time. Every year, SXSW becomes a bit more unmanageable. More corporate sponsors bring in their forts and tents and unapproved soirees that overshadow the showcasing bands who bust ass to get to Texas and play their hearts out.

I’m not complaining about a free taco and a margarita but I think its a fucking shame that Perez Hilton spends thousands of dollars to paint a building pink, and fly Snoop Dog in for a party that will ultimately keep thousands of people from going to a showcase where a hardworking band (who probably spent every cent they had to get out to Austin) is playing. It sucks and it’s not what SxSw is about. Well, like Sundance, it’s unfortunately what SxSw has become.

I did attend some parties, but I tried to balance it out with showcasing bands and up and coming acts. Here is a cross-section of some of the highs and lows, deep in the heart of Texas.

photo by Eugene Hernandez

I caught a Shadow Shadow Shade performance/taping at the IFC studios Tuesday evening. The band formerly known as Afternoons took to the stage to play some sunny pop in the crowded studios. Though the songs were well crafted and well-played, they didn’t hold my attention very long.

Unfortunately, this was something that was a common occurence this week and a deadly problem for any band vying for attention in a city with thousands of others playing slots at any given time. A LOT of bands in LA/Silverlake right now have that throwback 70s sunny Cali pop sound. I don’t dislike it. In fact, I do like it. What I don’t like is when everything gets very samey. I don’t blame the bands for this, necessarily. I just find it hard to listen to all of it over and over again. When everything begins to sound the same (whether it be sunny pop, electronic MGMT stuff, Emopunk, Hotel cafe, or whatever,) then you better be THE BEST out there, or you will get lost in the Hollywood shuffle. Being great isn’t always enough. Emmitt Rhodes anyone?

Band Of Skulls played at the British Embassy Barbeque party Wednesday afternoon…well BBQ it wasn’t  - not unless you can count empanada type pasties in a chafing dish as a barbeque. Since the food was served al fresco, perhaps the Brits cheekily thought it was Tex Mex style? No matter, I love them all the more for it.

Band Of Skulls, one of the best new bands out there and I dare say, one of the best showcasing bands at South By Southwest, tore apart the stage and showed a craftmanship that has even improved since their being on the road via their Twilight soundtrack spot  and BRMC touring slot. Yet theirs is not a polished poppy sound. It is the cool fuzzy, garage rock sound of an old amp Jimi Hendrix would have plugged into. Amen. For a video interview with the band, click here.

At the NPR showcase, I was introduced to Visqueen who opened for a juggernaut lineup of The Walkmen, Sharon Jones And The Dap Kings, Broken Bells, and Spoon.

The Walkmen and their drunken fairy saloon music have always been favorites of mine. Lead singer, Hamilton Leithautser, is more Sunday New York Times cross word puzzle than Vice Magazine Do and Donts, which makes me supremely happy.

Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings stormed the stage next with some Motown madness which goes to show that the music business is not just for the kids. Jones is a tour de force performer and though it was an older skewed crowd at the NPR showcase, she is almost wasted at a dust bowl like Stubbs. She should be doing class venues such as the Hollywood Bowl.

The next act, was the highly anticipated collaboration between Dangermouse and Shins lead singer James Mercer, Broken Bells. After what seemed like a forever and a day set up, the set was lackluster and uneven, disappointing many in the crowd, which thinned out considerably.

Spoon followed next. Britt Daniel, the unofficial mayor of Austin, did not disappoint the toe tapping, mild-mannered, tax paying NPR crowd, playing many off the new album and even covering the Damned.

Looking for a little bit more trouble than I’d find ala NPR, I dragged myself to a 1:30 am Hounds Below show that did not disappoint. Mixing Brill Building and fuzzy Detroit feedback. Jason Stollsteimer’s new band rocked the Habana Calle into the wee hours of the morning. The band even promised a hot tub party for those who could brave the 1-35.

The Hounds Below

I’m glad for the Roy Orbison, 60′s sound revival that is making a comeback with acts such as Findlay Brown, Codeine Velvet Club and the Motown sounding acts.

On the other side of feedback was The Butterfly Explosion. All the way from Ireland and fronted by Gazz Carr, this Musebox Act kicked off the daytime party with fuzzy, brooding songs. It was half way into their set before anyone noticed the sun was shining with all the shoe gazing going on. The band is a mix of shoe gaze and post rock; Ride meets Sigur Ros with of course some MBV, but with their own lush spin on it. If you like euphoric musical landscapes then you need to check out this band.

Butterfly Explosion

I traipsed over to the Babelgum party at the French Legionare Museum which was on this gorgeous property, rolling lawns gated by stone walls and large trees, tented stages and drink booths…it was much more Coachella than SxSw vibe. The only problem was the sound. It was such a muddy mess that it made The XX sound like they were drowning inside a subway toilet. It was so dreadful I decided to leave rather than to think of them as being that bad.

My next discovery was perhaps one of my favorites of the festival. ARMS sprung forth from the breakup of The Harlem Shakes. Todd Goldstein reformed ARMS, a solo project he had started in ’04, and began performing wry melancholic songs about an unraveling couple. The songs have killer harmonies with a Walkmenesque quality, which makes sense, considering ARMS has found a home with the Walkmen’s label, Gigantic.

Todd Goldstein - ARMS

Goldstein’s vocals have almost a  Michael Stipe and Stephen Merritt quality, wavering yet angry. Still the most interesting thing about the live performance was Todd’s stage presence. Charismatic, and witty in between numbers, he remained far more upbeat than the story line of the doomed couple in his gem of an album, Kids Aflame.

The Rolling Stone Showcase boasted a lot of up and coming artists that hipsters, journos and label people were eager to hear. LA based Dawes played to a sparse crowd, warming up for buzz band The Whigs.

The Whigs

The Whigs had the heavy head when they were crowned by Rolling Stone last year as the best unsigned band in the country. That can often wreck a groups chances, but so far they’ve managed well. Signing with ATO, they hopped on a tour with Kings Of Leon and Dead Confederate. Luckily their dirty Garage sound skews more towards the swirling madness of Dead Confederate with the buoyancy of Kings, but they play songs with more than three chords. They kicked off the show with the battle cry “Turn off the lights, it’s time to party!” and they meant it. They dove into the set, with driving bass lines reminiscent of their future tour mates, BRMC. The Whigs have a bright future. Hopefully they will keep their rock dirty and varied.

Titus Andronicus, another RS buzz band already named the best of 2010, (oh Rolling Stone. You cheeky monkeys. It’s March!) To me, from where I sat crouched by the bar, they seemed like a high performance level shoegaze band named after one of The Bard’s less performed plays. But I could be downplaying them quite a bit. Perhaps that’s because the next band was such a party in a bottle.

Free Energy is the next party cruise in 40 tight minutes. If you like Sweet, Cheap Trick, The Cars, Thin Lizzy, and cute boys who drink beer, then get ready to dance your face off. These guys are only here to make you have a good time. That’s it. They play, you dance. You forget your troubles. It’s the Andrew WK philosophy, minus the fake blood and puke and sticky aspects of rock and roll. It’s the boys answer to The Donnas. The 70′s glam rock era revitalized with tight black jeans and runaways and satin jackets and extra lip gloss just paves the way for Free Energy’s sweet sexy glammy classic rock to make you want to can the can with Suzi Q, Gary Glitter and the rest of them. Each song sounds quite anthemic – perhaps these boys will be played in stadiums during very important sporting matches someday to unsuspecting jocks. But for now, they just wanna have fun.

Free Energy

One of the coveted laminates to wear around your neck was for the Spin showcase at Stubbs. The line up was a  schizo combination: a luke warm set from Rogue Wave, a manic set from Fucked Up (including lead singer, Damian Abraham, creating his own muddy mosh pit by pouring bottled water into the dusty ground in front of the stage and rolling around in it),

Fucked Up - Make Your Own Mosh Pit, Just Add Water

and a lightweight set from the elusive electronics of Miike Snow, which didn’t seem to translate in the broad daylight.

Miike Snow

But the real elephant in the room was waiting backstage. Courtney. It was the first time Hole was playing in the US in ten years. And without Hole. Would she show? Would she have a melt down? Would she be fat? Gawkers, detractors and mega fans everywhere were sticking around through the rather tepid showcase just to catch a glimpse of what I dubbed the Love-Train-Wreck.

The Love Train Wreck pulled into the Stubbs station about twenty minutes late, but for Courtney time, that’s no big thang. Wearing an orange pageant sash that was emblazoned with ‘Beware’, that most likely doubles as caution tape, Love launched into a curious cover of ‘Sympathy For The Devil’…I was not sure she was going to get any, as she announced “We are Hole, whether you like it or not, you little shit sucks.”

Wearing some type of wild, wild, west bar whore outfit and sounding like Stevie Nicks on a bender if she had been gargling with a cheese grater, Courtney flirted with being on key and was brash and confident…she was, well, Courtney.

Playing a mix of older hits (Violet, Reasons To Be Thankful, Miss World) and newer ones (Skinny Little Bitch, Samantha) Love tried to win over the crowd and coax us into thinking that her new songs would vault her back to superstar status. But even when she was making fun of Bret Michaels for being a washed up mess, I couldn’t help but think, ‘Courtney, isn’t that like the Hole calling the chasm, black?’

After a round of meetings and dinners I was whisked back to Stubbs for the Myspace secret show which turned out to be the worst kept industry secret – it was Muse and Metric. I like both bands but what made the night was seeing New York friends I hadn’t seen for ages.

What was unfortunate was the loooong line of über Muse fans that snaked down the streets of Austin who didn’t get close to getting in, while A&R people stood around and didn’t even watch the performance. Oh Music Industry, you big bitch. Afterwards there were many cool show to see. Sixth street in of itself was a carnival, like Mardi Gras, and when my friends and I jumped into a pedi cab to get to another showcase, drunken revelers literally swarmed the cab and began rocking it, trying to get us out. I’m not sure if they were trying to turn the thing over or scare us or the driver…but we were amazed.

This is SxSw, not a Lakers parade you asshats. We know how to handle you and you will get a beat down.

Saturday was my last morning before I escaped Margaritaville and I planned on hitting a few barbeques and panels before the airport.

Bob Schneider played a fun set at Stubbs early in the morning at the Rachael Ray event. And it has become quite an event. My friend and I went over there to catch School of Seven Bells. It was freezing and slightly raining and the place was set up with the sponsors frozen drink machines, instead of the coffee people so desperately needed. Funny thing…the ‘yummo’ food that Ray is supposedly so famous for, was pretty fucking awful. As was her husband’s band, which I think is the whole reason she puts on the event. The name of his band is called The Cringe…I don’t even need to comment further. He’s done my job for me.

Free Energy and LA favorites Local Natives played the small indoor stage (of course. Let The Cringe play the Main Stage and clear the venue. Good idea. Yummo). Andrew W.K.  got some people to party hard…although not too hard, because we were all in danger of losing our limbs to frostbite.

I headed to the convention center early to warm up and catch an amazing panel on Bill Hicks, one of the greatest comics that ever lived. A documentary about his life played at the film festival throughout and I have to say it was an amazing panel discussion – possibly the highlight of the week.

Bill Hicks

Oh Austin. You sure did keep it weird. Your mercurial hot and cold weather. Your open doors to spring breakers and corporate whores. Your damn Grackles. But I love you and I keep coming back for more. Next year? Same time, same place?