Sarah Palin’s Heavy Metal Parking Lot

I really hesitate to open this can of worms because I could rail for HOURS on the sheer stupidity of many of my fellow countrymen who, much like lemmings, will blindly follow a flag waving harpy who has NO ideas and NO real discernible policy, because she is ‘realness’ and for ‘freedom’, ‘conservativeness’, and ‘stuff’.   At first I laughed this woman off, who luckily sank the presidential bid of Mr. McCain. But I realize that this woman is dangerous in that she is charming, ambitious and stupid.

Now, I realize that not all conservatives are stupid. I may not agree with them, but I wouldn’t say they are stupid. However, these people lining up to buy her book? OM MY KRISHNA!!! Did central casting feed these people lines? INCREDIBLE!!!

Here is a rather brilliant piece which rather speaks for itself. Mind you, there is no trickery involved here. Ya can’t blame Katie Couric for any tough questions. This man just asked these people why they liked Sarah Palin, why they’d vote for her, and why they though she’d make a good president. Pretty simple right?

Well, ok, not everyone is super smart. And not everyone understands foreign policy. Or domestic policy. Or policy for the people not from America, too. Not everyone went to a G-dblessed fancy college or can read a newspaper. Heck, they are so expensive, and the media lies, so it’s hard to really know what’s going on with the economy. Or health care. Or the economy. Or Obama’s birth certificate.

It’s times like this when I really cringe at technology and YouTube and the thought of the internet carrying this far and wide across the globe. Sorry, world.

So, it’s really not these people’s fault that they resemble the kids of Heavy Metal Parking Lot as my fellow comic cattle prod, Harmon Leon, has brilliantly pointed out. I personally think it’s a bit insulting to metal fans, who at least have taste, but I digress. Here is a mash-up between the above footage and the Heavy Metal Parking Lot film that Harmon put together.

Spooky, innit?

I’m beginning to think that the country deserves Sarah Palin. At least the country of Ohio does.

Smooth Sailin’ – Yacht Rock Putting The Hard On In Chardonnay

When I was little, I used to pour over my Dad’s records, which were mostly divided into two camps: Beatles and Rolling Stones. I loved the colorful Beatles record jackets, especially Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt. Peppers. The Stones records intrigued me; I knew the zipper on Sticky Fingers records was something I wasn’t supposed to touch, but I wasn’t sure why. Between Bowie, Queen, some K Tel classics and my Star Wars records, these were in heavy rotation.

Curiously there was a third pile, which I didn’t quite get. The Doobie Brothers, Loggins and Messina and their ilk, with their long hair, Hawaiian shirts, and high-pitched harmonies, annoyed my post-toddler glam rock sensibilities and thus, those records remained on the shelf.  I guess between Chewbacca and Ch-Ch-Changes, I didn’t have time for the pastel suited dudes who looked like guest stars on a fey version of Miami Vice. But with my up bringing, you’d think I would have…

I grew up summering on Cape Cod, where the adults wore coral necklaces and collars up at clambakes and spoke about the Vineyard (Martha’s) and Vicodin. I was basically bred as the preppy spawn of Yacht Rock, yet it repelled me. Like hair metal, I looked down on it until later on in life, when I could appreciate both the kitsch value and sonic delight. I can now fully appreciate those deliciously smooth sounds.

Cut to the new millennium and mid-naughts. A resurgence in sampling, especially the ever-popular Michael Jackson, has led to a lot of smooth music being used in contemporary tracks. The YouTube comedy series “Yacht Rock” becomes a massive cult hit. Popular electro dance band, Chromeo, appear, un-ironically, on Daryl Hall’s internet program ‘Live From Daryl’s House‘.  Yacht Rock’s captain, Michael McDonald, recurs as a running punch line over several seasons of 30 Rock and then makes an appearance singing on their finale episode. Andy Samberg raps about the pleasures of being on the great big watery road with a nautical themed pashmina afghan.  As the Marina music clans begin putting together reunion tours and retrospectives, yacht rock parties start popping up around Hollywood. It’s a ‘Wassup Yacht Rockers!’ world. Everyone seems to want to rock out on the open sea.

Enter the Knights Of Monte Carlo. They play hard-core soft rock and ‘put the ass back in class and the hard on in chardonnay’.  The Knights of Monte Carlo are distinctly rich, gorgeously handsome, flawlessly refined sextet dedicated to resurrecting the best music ever to have hit the airwaves– 70’s soft rock. Because of their incredible talent and unparalleled style they frequently attract chic and pulchritudinous admirers from around the world, making Knights of Monte Carlo the most popular and internationally sought after soft rock tribute ensemble of all time…this is all self-professed.

I regale a friend about this group and convince her to dress in tropical splendor and accompany me for this three-hour tour. We decide that we need a yacht club persona. My friend chooses the soccer mom sensitive Cheryl Connerson, while I choose Debbie Finkelstein. Half way to the show, I decide to change the name to St Germaine, knowing a Finkelstein can sometimes have issues with the advisory board at a yacht club.

At the Key Club, a nautical flag sign denoted a VIP Entrance (actually the elevator), which whisked us aboard a room decorated with a Tequila Sunrise backdrop, and life preservers. Men in white linen suits and mirrored sunglasses beckoned us to come aboard for some pina colada and wine spritzer specials. For those not into health food, but into champagne, Knights Of Monte Carlo bass player, Brad Bayliner, held court at his International Cheese and Cracker Tasting – complete with gouda, Carrs, grapes and a Wall Street Journal. Yuppies Ahoy!

With tongue firmly planted in cheeks, the sextet took the stage and posed, postured, and karate kicked and flexed their way through a set including Doobies, Ambrosia, Loggins, Cross, Air Supply, America and Chicago. Can you Dig it? Yes, I can.  But wait, there’s more in this K Tel show. Toto? Yes, Toto too. Was the set missing some McDonald? That’s what a fool believes – he was aptly represented. A show sans Hall and Oates? No can do. The Knights can’t go for that, and neither should you.

The Knights were totally smooth, save for a few Rolexes and rope bracelet in danger of getting in the way of their fret work. Hey, that’s what a little Riuniti on ice will do to a guy. While Doc Spyders crooned the Escape song and shook his ass, Montague, dressed like a judo master, gave a shiatsu massage to the congos, elbows and all. During the drum break, Doc did yoga poses as Brad lit up a tobacco pipe.

more about “Retro Commercials: Riunite“, posted with vodpod

Next the Knights sequed into some Fleetwood Mac, a rousing rendition of Go Your Own Way which would have made Lindsay and Stevie at the Staples center across town, very proud. There were hits for the ladies too. Somebody’s Baby, Summer Breeze, Easy Like Sunday Morning, Ride Like The Wind and Africa, made the ladies sway like they were finding their sea legs at high tide. Knights drummer, Bobby Colada, even dedicated a song to Debbie St. Germaine (nee Finkelstein) noting how hard it can be to get into the yacht club with their (ahem) restrictions. Then the band launched into Rosanna. Meet you all the way, indeed.

Rounding out the night with some Robbie Dupree and Gerry Rafferty, KOMC’s Rico Morgan, was a master on the Korg keys and saxophone. Nelson Borealis wandered out onto the deck amongst the passengers for some smooth electric guitar. Brad gave a cheese update. Doc pulled up his white socks from his deck shoes and leapt over the mic stand; a finale of their white man choreography. I haven’t danced, or laughed, that hard in a while.

The normally staid preppy crowd whistled and yelled for more as if we were watching Bon Jovi in ’88. But the Knights had such a long way to go to make it to the border of Mexico. So they bid us all a bon voyage and asked us to come get smooth next Thursday for the continuation of their residency. It’d take a lot to drag me away from them.

Key Club – Thursday nights. Ya mo be there.

more about “Knights of Monte Carlo Live Promo“, posted with vodpod





The End Of An Error

Wow. What a night.

I am having trouble finding the words to describe election day but as a writer, I suppose I must.

I woke up early on the 4th and dragged my tired ass for a walk to my polling place. I was braced for long lines with a paperback and my cell phone, but I was able to breeze right in and dot with indelible ink my vote to end the eight years of soul sucking, gut wrenching madness.

As soon as I had collected my free Starbucks coffee (a ringing endorsement of voting even for the non-politically motivated) my phone started buzzing. Clifton asked whether I had found a nice flat in London and could he join me?…apparently McCain was up in the polls

“It’s too early!” I texted back. “It’s too early!” I screamed to the heavens. “Everyone chill the fuck out!”

But I did start pricing plane tickets to Heathrow.

It was hard for an election junkie such as myself to stay off the computer and away from the TV on a day like this, but I forced myself to do it. I didn’t want the anxiety or stomach ache to worsen due to some mewling pundits. So, luckily when evening fell, I dashed off to meet Jim at the Declare Yourself – Keldof Election party at Zune.

Zune’s circular lobby space made the perfect environment for a gang of anxious hipsters and media professionals. A huge screen projecting the CNN projections was monitored closely while people enjoyed the open bar and some Pinks hot dogs.

I hadn’t eaten all day and Pinks is about as appealing to me as the smell it emits, but I ordered one anyways. My stomach was in complete knots as I attempted to get it down me. The wine went down a lot easier.

Kevin of Keldof ran around, headset on, making sure everyone was enjoying themselves. Rich Kim from Blink Of An I took photos of our nervous but hopeful faces. There were electoral maps to color in with red or blue markers once a candidate was announced a winner, and Ana of La Boum and Pash was spinning on the decks. A top ten of the best political comedy shorts by Funny Or Die was promised following the election results and acceptance speech.

Blue baby, blue!

It felt like the air was slowly being sucked out of the room as each state come back with their tallies. Obama was up, but I didn’t feel safe. If you need to ask why, well, there are some ballot boxes floating somewhere off the Florida Keys that can explain my caution.

Then the countdown until the California polls closed…5, 4, 3, 2, 1…and all of a sudden, the chyron on the screen flipped…OBAMA IS THE PROJECTED WINNER…OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT ELECT.

President Elect Obama

It seemed like it happened so fast. True, it took the DNC to start planning in 2006. This was a long hard road and an excruciating wait…but the last few seconds were a blur. Champagne was popped and people screamed and shouted. Strangers hugged each other and cried.

Obama supporters of all ages

Three little girls danced and threw their hands in the air as Blur’s Song blared over the speakers (nice call, Ana). I stood stone still with my mouth covered in happy shock, as Jim stood beside me saying “we did it.”

Jim and Ali celebrate - Yes We Can!

The party was a bi-partisan party as declareyourself.com is about voting, not one particular candidate. But the crowd was overwhelmingly pro Obama. The look on the faces of the people there was incredible. It’s a happiness and joy I haven’t seen on the faces of Americans since pre 9/11…

Electoral joy

Not only did the entire country celebrate in the streets, but CNN showed people celebrating all over the world. Our new president elect has the potential be a world leader, a great man, a respected man…haven’t been able to say that for eight years…

Kevin from Keldof threw a great party

Calls and texts started coming in on my phone. I had a few messages from some Londoners congratulating me and hoping I was partying the night away. I told them that “we” as a collective, had done something right for once in 8 years. Perhaps now we could hold our head up high again and be proud to be Americans. Perhaps now when we are over seas, other countries won’t point to a newspaper headline, look at is and say “what the fuck”?

Yes we did

It is the end of an error. Celebrations and congratulations are in order…but next week we must roll our sleeves up and help our president elect put this country back together

The future is here. Let’s rock.

Is Jon Stewart the only sane man in America with a microphone?

Shame on you, newscasters. why does it take a stand up comedian to hold the bullshitters accountable? This isn’t American Idol. This is the freakin presidential election! For leader of the free world! Put on your thinking caps and put the boxing gloves on and do your job!!!

Jon Stewart, will you marry me? You seem to know my inner thoughts that I scream while I watch the news…the thoughts that the ‘liberal’ media aren’t addressing.

Everyone needs to see this clip where the flip flopping comes from the sanctimonious and ridiculous right wing.

If you know anyone who is ‘on the fence’ about this election, show them this:

SARAH PALIN – THE GENDER CARD – on THE DAILY SHOW

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OK, back to your regularly scheduled music blog…