Billabong’s ‘Design For Humanity’ Proves Hollywood Hipsters Have None

Thursday night, Billabong and Paramount Studios hosted the 4^th annual Design For Humanity event to raise money and awareness for Invisible Children, a non-profit that helps children and families affected by the war in Uganda.

Invisible Children exhibit

I’ve been a supporter of Invisible Children for sometime now, as when I helped begin The Voice Project, Invisible Children was a model for what we wanted to achieve. The atrocities going on there are unbelievable. Joseph Kony is currently terrorizing five countries and it’s the longest running conflict on the continent of Africa, yet no one seems to know about it.

I admit I was a bit dubious about a bikini fashion show and block party helping the cause, but with popular artists such as Fischerspooner and Kid Sister on the bill, I was hoping for a fervent crowd of people ready to pitch in and make a difference.

The New York Streets of Paramount were decked out with food trucks, step and pose red carpets, the Hit + Run t shirt silk screening stations, Carmichael art gallery auctions, live art stations and, of course a Lakers/Celtics screen so the Lakers fans could watch their team go down in flames.

Different sections had popular DJs like Classixx and Pase Rock spinning for the upwardly mobile hipster crowd who swilled drinks and noshed for the charity while they waited for the fashion show and upcoming musical performances.

live painting at Design For Humanity event

As we sat awaiting the beginning of the fashion show, a film reel began, showing the Invisible Children efforts in Uganda…only to be drowned out by a DJ playing ‘Bust A Move’ by Young MC. Now, I’m a fan of busting a move and early nineties novelty songs. Who isn’t? But shouldn’t there be an ounce of gravitas given the nature of the film being shown? No? OK, moving on.

As a whole, the event was mildly entertaining. Billabong designed for humanity, if humanity is going to start dressing like the jail bait waifs on the new 90210.

a design for humanity

Kid Sister was a little like watching your kid sister put on a show. Then, Casey Spooner led his Tharpy twitchy dancers in a revamped version of his show, Between Worlds, sans the musical albatross around his neck, “Emerge”.

Casey Spooner & Company

After, my friend and I headed to the Invisible Children exhibit set up in a store-front across from the Carmichael gallery. There patrons could see the film reel, unfettered by MCs, rappers or movers, busting. There were also photographs of the children forced to fight in the war all around the room as well as the weapons they were forced to use, on display.

children with guns

It was a sobering moment and one that makes you count your blessings.

Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a gaggle of girls in skin tight party dresses holding the guns, gangsta style, taking sexy pictures with their Iphones. One after the other, they posed with these weapons between their legs, licking the guns, humping them. I was immediately nauseated.

Then a few other hipsters picked up the hand grenades in the exhibit and mimed lobbing them at each other in a photo op frenzy. This went on for over twenty minutes. Dozens and dozens of different disaffected creeps played paparazzi with the weapons with the giant pictures of child soldiers looming over their heads. After fighting the urge to vomit on their American Apparel onesies, I asked a few of them why they were taking these pictures.

“Well, like, everyone else was doing it, and we thought it was fun.” Said one girl who clearly knew her spirit animal was a soulless cockroach.

I understand the need to entertain people for the money they plunk down for a ticket to a charity event, for it to be ‘fun’…but feet away there is a movie showing a genocide. So maybe a PARTY isn’t the way to raise money and awareness anymore. Maybe bikinis, Young MC, and cosmo martinis isn’t the way to get the message across that shit is rough in other parts of the world. Hell, shit is rough RIGHT HERE.

The problem is, these people think nothing about plunking down $30-$150 bucks to hang out with Kid Sister on the Paramount lot and ogle girls in bikinis. They didn’t really have to do anything proactive. Hell, they can even buy the tickets from their freaking iphone. That is, if they’re not already on the guest list.

What they don’t have to do is change. Anything. Their behavior, the laws, American foreign policy, Uganda, war, or they way humans treat each other. Which was evident by the pushing at the line for the bar.

Kid Sister and hipsters

I’ve been to a lot of Hollywood charity events. I’ve even participated in some. Some raise good money and are helpful. But most of them are a bigger PR push for the DJs and club promoters/energy drink sponsors that throw them. I guarantee if you polled the guests leaving some of these events that less than half could tell you the cause they were drinking for.

So maybe instead of throwing events for charity, how about we take the money and give it DIRECTLY to the charity. Or INVEST it in helping the people who need it.

I hope this event raised a lot of money. It seemingly failed, to raise ANY awareness or consciousness. In fact, I think that it proved the average Hollywood hipster’s devolution and frankly I’m disgusted.

If you would like to learn more about, donate to or get involved with Invisible Children, please visit INVISIBLE CHILDREN

Heath Ledger’s Last Trip Through The Looking Glass In The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus

As another great installment of the CINEMA TUESDAYS, Flux and Nike Sportswear at the Montalban Theater held an exclusive VIP benefit screening of filmmaker Terry Gilliam’s The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. The event served as a benefit for the Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship in honor of the late actor.

As people gathered in frigid LA temperatures and huddled around complimentary boxes of Aussie fave Tim Tam cookies and warm espressos, the Australians In Film committee announced that it was donating the evening’s proceeds to the scholarship. A panel of judges will be determining who will be awarded the scholarship, including one of the film’s stars and Ledger’s friend, Jude Law. The movie hadn’t even begun and handkerchiefs were dabbing at swollen eyes.

Jude Law as Tony #2

I was excited to see a film by one of our most daring and dazzling filmmakers and from a man who has had every possible production nightmare beset him. Lets not forget, his opus film The Man Who Killed Don Quixote was plagued by so many problems – including a natural disaster- that the movie was shut down.  It eventually became the topic for the documentary Lost In LaMancha – a truly chilling film that keeps even the most adept filmmaker awake many sleepless nights. So for Gilliam to pull this film off in the face of such a tragedy is already a true tribute to Ledger and to grit, determination and the creative spirit.

The movie follows an immortal man, Dr. Parnassus, who travels in an old dilapidated circus wagon, trying to entertain the people of contemporary London with his vaudevillian stories. His hidden agenda is to also save a few souls along the way, in order to repay a bet he lost with the devil. Dr. Parnassus is saddled with his immortality – a storyteller and showman who has become obsolete, as no one wants to hear his stories anymore. His antiquated Punch And Judy styled stage cannot compete with London’s bright lights and dazzling technology. Dr. Gilliam err, I mean Parnassus, knows this and feels lost in a world where he will never grow old but will never be new.

Veteran stage actor, Christopher Plummer is great as the fallen monk, Parnassus, bending to all the mortal pressures of drink and wagers. Plummer is joined by his traveling gypsy companions: model Lily Cole, adequate as his fiery red head daughter and stunning in the gypsy meets fleet street costumes. Verne Troyer is cast as the Doctor’s voice of reason – never thought I’d type that sentence. Andrew Garfield almost steals scenes from the veteran matinee idols he is pitted agaisnt as the barker, Anton. Tom Waits chews up the scenery as the devil in Joel-Grey-Cabaret clothing, Mr. Nick. And there is quite a lot of scenery to chew in a Gilliam film.

Tom Waits as Mr. Nick

But the elephant in the room is the role of Tony. Heath Ledger’s last role in The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus is infamously incomplete. That he had three of the world’s leading actors fill in to bring his role to fruition is a testament to what a great actor he was and what a great hole he has left behind.

In fact, though the film is chock full of fantasty, whimsy, scenery and ideas (oh you could trip over the grand ideas), the film seems lonely when Ledger isn’t on screen. Ledger’s first appearance in the film as Tony Liar, is hanging from his neck from a London bridge, an auspicious start to a movie that was almost never finished. It is a shocking fist glimpse of the actor and one that takes your breath away.

Heath Ledger as Tony

Ledger’s Tony Liar character, based partially on Tony Blair and all his duplicity, is a millionaire who raises money for a children’s charity and is ultimately exposed as a fraud. Interesting that Ledger chose this role, as he was always felt fraudulent in the Hollywood spotlight. Eschewing the superstar role, Heath preferred to disappear in a role and simply be an actor. Even if he was greater at it than he ever gave himself credit for.

The Imaginarium in question is a sideshow mirror, which when paying customers pass (or are pushed through it) are transported into a fantasy world which reveals their deepest desires. For a small child it is a giant set of a Candy Land video game. For a rich matron, it is a gondoliered trip down a Nile filled with giant Blahniks and Faberge eggs. Of course there is a battle for the person’s soul at the end of this journey. Dr. Parnassus and Mr. Nick both wrestle for the person to choose the right path. Tony often accompanies these souls and attempts to guide them correctly, sort of as a sexy river Styx escort. As it is each individual’s fantasy and imagination, Tony appears different to each of them. This is how Gilliam was able to solve his leading man crisis.

After Ledger’s death, three box office heart-throbs stepped up and stepped in for Ledger, filming the fantasy sequences in Gilliam’s re-imagined imaginarium scenes. For one woman, her Tony lothario was a lusty Johnny Depp. For another, it was Jude Law climbing the ladder of success, and for Lily Cole’s Valentina, her rascally Tony was Colin Farrell in rare bad boy form.

It is a testament to both Gilliam’s film making and Heath’s reputation to bring all of these people together to create one immense Tony Liar. Unfortunately neither Depp, Law, nor Farrell, while all three of them fun to watch and immensely charming, have the depth that Ledger had.

This Gilliam film is a grand and bright acid trip in the truest sense – there are strands of Munchausen, Time Bandits, and my favorite Terry film, The Fisher King, but there are also nods to classics like Bergman’s The Seventh Seal, King Lear, and of course the great Faustian bargain. Each player in this pantomime has one. Money or love? Life or death? Good or evil? The very same things that plague us daily as we go through our lives, Gilliam plays out for us on this traveling stage that his characters cart around modern London.

It begs the question:

How many of us cart around these questions with us everyday, and how many wrestle with it until it kills us?

It’s hard not to become overly philosophical while watching Heath’s character wrestle for his life when the world knows that he lost that battle a year ago. I was strangely hit hard by the death of Heath Ledger – someone I didn’t know at all.

I don’t normally emote on the passing of a celebrity -  someone I’ve never met, but as the credits rolled on this film, I found myself moved to tears. Maybe, as a filmmaker, I was just so relieved that the film got finished. Perhaps as a performer they were tears of frustration and loss of/for Ledger.

I suppose I felt a connection to someone who was such a strong life force, who attacked his work with conviction and passion. I also can identify with wrestling with insomnia and the seeping black moods that accompany the creative process. The fact that Heath achieved great success in his career is something to admire. But the fact that he pushed himself beyond that and strove to be a better actor, a better artist than what was really required of him – that is where my heart goes out to him. It guts me that this process was part of what led to his demise.

That this film is about a man who has sold his soul for eternal life is eerily prescient. Heath Ledger’s star will live on forever. I, for one, would rather have him among us, living in obscurity.

If you’d like to donate to the Heath Ledger foundation, please visit: http://www.australiansinfilm.org

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus opens in major cities on December 25th.

Bjork’s Voltaic – A Luscious Concert Experience At The Montalban

One of the cooler new additions to Los Angeles pop culture nightlife is the Flux Cinema Tuesdays movie series at the Nike Sportswear Montalban Theater.

Each month guests are treated to a film, usually surfing or music based. The night includes a celeb DJ, drinks and popcorn to boot – all for free. Some of the nights have showcased the work of Michel Gondry and super hot DJ Mr. French, MC Lyte and the director of Notorious, and even the new auteur extraordinaire of horror, Tomas Alfredson and local lady DJ Valida.

Last Tuesday, Flux presented Voltaic: The Volta Tour Live , a concert film of Bjork’s recent tour. The film, which is available to buy today via Nonesuch Records, features Voltaic footage from Björk’s live shows in Paris and Reykjavik, Volta music videos, live studio performances and remixes of songs from Volta.

People who had waited in line which snaked around the block were not disappointed. The film was a gorgeous and loud cacophony of sound and vision which more than filled the small theater at the Montalban.

Bjork was joined on tour by innovative musicians such as Mark Bell, Damian Taylor, Jonas Sen and Chris Corsano, plus an all female brass section decked out in colorful sari styled jumpsuits with flags extending from the back. Bjork, with her face painted in  day glow colors, performed like the dynamo pixie she is, running the gamut of newer Volta material and songs from older albums such as Army Of Me, Hunter and Hyperballad.

It still amazes me to this day, the power of her voice. It seems less like Bjork opens her mouth to sing, and more like she is stopping a powerful magic simply by closing her mouth in between lyrics. The film is lit well and sounds fantastic. You really do feel as if you are in the room at the show – which is something a lot of concert films and rock docs lack today.

After the screening, hundreds of hipsters clamored upstairs to grab the 60 limited edition posters. And I do mean grab. I was knocked off my feet twice and my friend had a poster ripped right out of her hand. The small balcony was much too small to house the Belvedere open bar and poster melee. The pushing and shoving instantly made me want to head for the door. Not to mention the horrible house music DJ’s LA Riots were pumping through their laptops. After a wonder film experience and a great concert, it was truly jarring to exit to an angry poster mob and angry remixes of sub-par music. Hopefully the next post screening soiree will be a bit tamer, or at least less dangerous.

Luckily you can now watch Voltaic in the comfort of your own home. Dim the lights, put on your most colorful yarn scarf and turn that volume way up. You wont be disappointed.

Smooth Sailin’ – Yacht Rock Putting The Hard On In Chardonnay

When I was little, I used to pour over my Dad’s records, which were mostly divided into two camps: Beatles and Rolling Stones. I loved the colorful Beatles record jackets, especially Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt. Peppers. The Stones records intrigued me; I knew the zipper on Sticky Fingers records was something I wasn’t supposed to touch, but I wasn’t sure why. Between Bowie, Queen, some K Tel classics and my Star Wars records, these were in heavy rotation.

Curiously there was a third pile, which I didn’t quite get. The Doobie Brothers, Loggins and Messina and their ilk, with their long hair, Hawaiian shirts, and high-pitched harmonies, annoyed my post-toddler glam rock sensibilities and thus, those records remained on the shelf.  I guess between Chewbacca and Ch-Ch-Changes, I didn’t have time for the pastel suited dudes who looked like guest stars on a fey version of Miami Vice. But with my up bringing, you’d think I would have…

I grew up summering on Cape Cod, where the adults wore coral necklaces and collars up at clambakes and spoke about the Vineyard (Martha’s) and Vicodin. I was basically bred as the preppy spawn of Yacht Rock, yet it repelled me. Like hair metal, I looked down on it until later on in life, when I could appreciate both the kitsch value and sonic delight. I can now fully appreciate those deliciously smooth sounds.

Cut to the new millennium and mid-naughts. A resurgence in sampling, especially the ever-popular Michael Jackson, has led to a lot of smooth music being used in contemporary tracks. The YouTube comedy series “Yacht Rock” becomes a massive cult hit. Popular electro dance band, Chromeo, appear, un-ironically, on Daryl Hall’s internet program ‘Live From Daryl’s House‘.  Yacht Rock’s captain, Michael McDonald, recurs as a running punch line over several seasons of 30 Rock and then makes an appearance singing on their finale episode. Andy Samberg raps about the pleasures of being on the great big watery road with a nautical themed pashmina afghan.  As the Marina music clans begin putting together reunion tours and retrospectives, yacht rock parties start popping up around Hollywood. It’s a ‘Wassup Yacht Rockers!’ world. Everyone seems to want to rock out on the open sea.

Enter the Knights Of Monte Carlo. They play hard-core soft rock and ‘put the ass back in class and the hard on in chardonnay’.  The Knights of Monte Carlo are distinctly rich, gorgeously handsome, flawlessly refined sextet dedicated to resurrecting the best music ever to have hit the airwaves– 70’s soft rock. Because of their incredible talent and unparalleled style they frequently attract chic and pulchritudinous admirers from around the world, making Knights of Monte Carlo the most popular and internationally sought after soft rock tribute ensemble of all time…this is all self-professed.

I regale a friend about this group and convince her to dress in tropical splendor and accompany me for this three-hour tour. We decide that we need a yacht club persona. My friend chooses the soccer mom sensitive Cheryl Connerson, while I choose Debbie Finkelstein. Half way to the show, I decide to change the name to St Germaine, knowing a Finkelstein can sometimes have issues with the advisory board at a yacht club.

At the Key Club, a nautical flag sign denoted a VIP Entrance (actually the elevator), which whisked us aboard a room decorated with a Tequila Sunrise backdrop, and life preservers. Men in white linen suits and mirrored sunglasses beckoned us to come aboard for some pina colada and wine spritzer specials. For those not into health food, but into champagne, Knights Of Monte Carlo bass player, Brad Bayliner, held court at his International Cheese and Cracker Tasting – complete with gouda, Carrs, grapes and a Wall Street Journal. Yuppies Ahoy!

With tongue firmly planted in cheeks, the sextet took the stage and posed, postured, and karate kicked and flexed their way through a set including Doobies, Ambrosia, Loggins, Cross, Air Supply, America and Chicago. Can you Dig it? Yes, I can.  But wait, there’s more in this K Tel show. Toto? Yes, Toto too. Was the set missing some McDonald? That’s what a fool believes – he was aptly represented. A show sans Hall and Oates? No can do. The Knights can’t go for that, and neither should you.

The Knights were totally smooth, save for a few Rolexes and rope bracelet in danger of getting in the way of their fret work. Hey, that’s what a little Riuniti on ice will do to a guy. While Doc Spyders crooned the Escape song and shook his ass, Montague, dressed like a judo master, gave a shiatsu massage to the congos, elbows and all. During the drum break, Doc did yoga poses as Brad lit up a tobacco pipe.

more about “Retro Commercials: Riunite“, posted with vodpod

Next the Knights sequed into some Fleetwood Mac, a rousing rendition of Go Your Own Way which would have made Lindsay and Stevie at the Staples center across town, very proud. There were hits for the ladies too. Somebody’s Baby, Summer Breeze, Easy Like Sunday Morning, Ride Like The Wind and Africa, made the ladies sway like they were finding their sea legs at high tide. Knights drummer, Bobby Colada, even dedicated a song to Debbie St. Germaine (nee Finkelstein) noting how hard it can be to get into the yacht club with their (ahem) restrictions. Then the band launched into Rosanna. Meet you all the way, indeed.

Rounding out the night with some Robbie Dupree and Gerry Rafferty, KOMC’s Rico Morgan, was a master on the Korg keys and saxophone. Nelson Borealis wandered out onto the deck amongst the passengers for some smooth electric guitar. Brad gave a cheese update. Doc pulled up his white socks from his deck shoes and leapt over the mic stand; a finale of their white man choreography. I haven’t danced, or laughed, that hard in a while.

The normally staid preppy crowd whistled and yelled for more as if we were watching Bon Jovi in ’88. But the Knights had such a long way to go to make it to the border of Mexico. So they bid us all a bon voyage and asked us to come get smooth next Thursday for the continuation of their residency. It’d take a lot to drag me away from them.

Key Club – Thursday nights. Ya mo be there.

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Ali On The Air and Antiquiet Backstage: The Von Bondies At The Roxy

Backstage of the Roxy with my Bondies. The conversation went from fascinating to silly to downright awkward. But we all had make up sex afterwards. Enjoy the lunacy of me and the Von Bondies!

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ALI ON THE AIR on Antiquiet – Roxy Owner Nic Adler On Ticketmaster / Live Nation

My Antiquiet interview (in the bathroom) with Nic Adler of the Roxy. We chat about Ticketmaster, twittering and social media in the rock club world.Part Two!

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Guitar Center Drum Off With Members of Tool, Foo Fighters, Jane’s Addiction, No Doubt & More – Plus, Mars Volta Contest!!!

Hollywood Hosts Guitar Center’s Drum-Off Grand Finals Competition This Saturday at 7pm.

I will be front and center to provide you lucky devils with the sights and sounds AND I have a fantastic prize to give away – a signed drum head, autographed by Mars Volta! Details below…

Among the panel of top judges of the Guitar Center Drum Off Grand Finals are: Adrian Young (No Doubt), Taylor Hawkins (Foo Fighters), Kenny Aronoff, The Rev (Avenged Sevenfold) and Danny Carey (Tool).

After months of local and regional competitions held at each of Guitar Center’s 214 stores across the country, the top six undiscovered drummers in the nation have been selected from a field of nearly 5,000 competitors. The six finalists will go head to head on Saturday, January 10th, 2009 at Guitar Center’s Drum-Off Grand finals in Los Angeles for a prize package worth over $45,000, as they perform in front of a capacity crowd at the historic Music Box at Fonda Theater.

Stephen Perkins (Jane’s Addiction) will host the evening. Guitar Center will also feature performances from drumming greats Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden), Jason Bittner (Shadows Fall), an exclusive collaboration by Thomas Pridgen (Mars Volta) and Thomas Lang and a headlining performance by Papa Roach. Street Drum Corps Presents BANG! will perform their signature high-energy, street drumming sets outside the venue to kick off the night.

The Six Finalists are:

Juan Carlos Mendoza (E. Brunswick, NJ)

Jerome Flood III (Lawrenceville, GA)

Anthony Burns (Saginaw, MI)

Ramon Sampson (Memphis, TN)

Sherman Arnold (Englewood, CO)

Tim Newton (La Mesa, CA)

For 20 years Guitar Center’s annual Drum-Off has been recognized by the music community as one of the most important platforms for unsigned talent, and a springboard to stardom for many seriously talented young drummers. Prior Drum-Off champs who have gone on to become successful pro drummers include Cora “CC” Dunham (Prince; Drum-Off ’02 Champ), Eric Moore (Bobby Brown, Sly and The Family Stone, Infectious Grooves, Suicidal Tendencies; Drum-Off ‘03 Champ), Tony Royster Jr. (Jay Z; Drum-Off ’95 Champ) and Thomas Pridgen (The Mars Volta), who became Guitar Center’s Drum-Off champion in 1993 when he was just 9 years old!

This is an all-ages show.

Tickets are $15 at www.TicketWeb.com

Guitar Center’s Drum-Off finals
Saturday, January 10th – 7pm
The Music Box @ Fonda
6126 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, Ca 90028.

One lucky reader of my blog will win a drum head, courtesy of Guitar Center and autographed by Mars Volta drummer, Thomas Pridgen!

Just leave a comment at http://www.Aliontheair.wordpress.com below this blog, on who your favorite drummer is and why. The best response will take home the booty.

Funky Sole Gets Down For More Soul In Los Angeles

When the funk and soul was unplugged a few months ago, the citizens of Los Angeles cried out: Please dont stop the music…their Angelino prayers have been heard – Funky Sole lives again.

LA’s longest running funk party will relocate to The Echo this Saturday night, marking it’s return to it’s East Side roots. That’s right. Sole is back – still free and still funky.

Back in 2001, Funky Sole was started at Rudolphos in Silverlake by Music Man Miles (Miles Tackett), founder of the band Breakestra and promoter of the popular LA night Root Down. Joined by DJ Egon of Stones Throw records, Tackett says they created the night as a place to ‘share the raw funk music crawling out of their crates with the folks of LA.’

Music Man Miles

Soon after, the multi talented Tackett (who has produced for many including Macy Gray, Dilated Peoples, Cut Chemist, and plays bass and cello) and the Sole crew moved the party to the Star Shoes bar on the Cahuenga Boogie and was joined by guest DJ Cut Chemist. In fact, the club became a place for DJ superstars all over the globe to try out beats or dust off some hard to find tracks they’ve never had the chance to play before.

Cut Chemist at Funky Sole

Guest Djs have included DJ Muro, Cut Chemist, Keb Darge, DJ Shadow, Peanut Butter Wolf, and Andy Votel. In 2008, they also branched out into world beat psychadelia which included new Funky alum Jeremy Sole of KCRW.  “Few cats on this planet have a rare Funk & Soul collection that rivals Miles’, and even fewer have the chops to put a seamless DJ set together like our man.” says Sole, whose Afro Funke party on the West Side runs on Thursday nights.

 

Jeremy Sole

Funky Sole moved south a few blocks to Jimmy’s Lounge, adding a gem to their roster, musical sage DJ Clifton (aka Soft Touch) became a resident on the decks. Clifton sees the care of the crate digger as the reason for the night’s popularity.

‘I think the appeal and success of the night can be attributed to the dj’s enthusiasm for the music…We have spent small fortunes collecting records and would do so even if there wasn’t an outlet to spin. I think club goers recognize this and that enthusiasm rubs off on them…it’s also the main reason big name guests, like PBW and Lucas (MacFadden), come to play at Funky Sole. No matter how big they are or what other styles they may spin at other venues, inside they are collectors as well. Funky Sole is a place where they can come and spin records that they love but might not be appreciated elsewhere.”

 

Dj Clifton (Soft Touch)

That fervent love for the sound of soul doesn’t go unnoticed by both patrons and turntablists alike. Says Jeremy Sole: ”Funky Sole is the only other residency I’ve taken on in LA, because Miles and Clifton have developed the perfect sound, energy and following for this sure-shot spot.”

It is to Tackett’s credit that this club las lasted this long. When the average Hollywood bar’s shelf life is smaller than the real estate on a 45, Funky Sole has a large fan base of regulars  and  a consistently fantastic soundtrack which features new classics and rare tracks. 

Miles Tackett on the decks

Now, that it’s back on the east side, Angelinos can get down without the hassles of bridge and tunnel traffic, valet parking or other Hollywood styled amateur night insults.

Pure fun and pure funk, just the way Tackett intended it and exactly how his Sole crew serve it up each week.

For more information, visit www.myspace.com/funkysole

This Sex Was On Fire

When a major landmark or institution closes or is destroyed, it’s common for a mourning period to follow. The passing of monument will be an elegiac era of super size proportions which will break hearts and hard ons across the world…yes, early this morning, a fire gutted The Body Shop in Los Angeles.

photo credit: Al Seib

There are four men in particular who are probably at this moment, dabbing their eyes with black lacy g-strings. These are the stalwart citizens who immortalized the establishment in their song, Girls, Girls, Girls. In a way, Motley Crue are both artists and patrons of the arts. For their tribute to dancing girls undoubtedly raised the profile of the oft scorned art of totally nude strip dancing.

The Body Shop has graced the Sunset Strip since the 40s where it once was a burlesque club. Luckily, it was transformed into an all nude dancing theater just in time for the hair metal stampede down the Sunset Strip. It even paid the rent of many budding, hungry ‘actresses’, Courtney Love being one. I never had the pleasure of frequenting this particular establishment. When I was researching the art of stripping for a play I had written, my cast mates and I kept to Crazy Girls and Cheetahs, which was titilating enough to mess with our heads in a method acting sorta way. So, I can’t properly relate to the loss of this mecca of culture, but I realize the pain is deep.

Theater of the absurd

There is no exact word on how the fire started, though my money is on someone ‘smokin in the boys room’ (sorry, had to). There are plans to rebuild the Shop, but it will remain shuttered until those renovations are done. Where, o where, will these generous men go to appreciate bodies in motion? Where will they find long legs, burgundy lips, red lips and fingertips? How will they keep fledgling models ‘over-employed’? Where can these doctors go to feel good?

model/actress/nameless

These patrons need to look no further than the dulcet tones of Vince Neil’s humble suggestions. How about a trip to sunny Florida? The Dollhouse in Fort Lauderdale could cure your blues. If humidity isn’t your bag, Hotlanta has Tattletails AND a Waffle House. Two treats in one! If you’re up for a ski lift, Vancouver’s Marble Arc will fill your need for tats and ass. Gay Paree seems like nothing of the sort, if you take in the double ‘D’s at the Crazy Horse. Or in French, Le Cheval Fou.

benjamins and booty

Of course Los Angeles is a veritable cornucopia of sin dens. There’s Jumbo’s Clown Room. That is the premiere place to watch greasy hipsters watch a broken anorexic sadly strip to Radiohead’s Karma Police. Cheetahs is more of the rockabilly girls scarred with cigarette burns, vibe. And the Crazy Girls are all about the benjamins waiting to lap dance a benefactor. I’m sure if Vince and Tommy are in town you can still find them raising ‘hail’ (hell) at the Seventh Vail.

Too fast for love

I know, I know…they’re just not the same as the infamous Body Shop. Again, my heart leaps out of my 34 C chest for all of these philandering philanthropists. These are tough times. They are times of change. They are times of joining hands and helping your fellow man.

I suggest that all ladies out there be kind to their fellow man. In fact, you can help your favorite fellow man, just by doing a strip tease in the comfort of your own home. Think of it as a form of physical therapy to get him through the night…and the many nights to come, without the Body Shop.

The America Dream – my essay in a new book!

Last year I wrote an essay on the Hollywood dream for my friend Harmon Leon, and now it’s being published in his new book American Dream.

It’s been recommended by Howard Stern, jimmy Kimmel, and other funny folk.

The book is out on October 6th, but you can pre-order your copy NOW on Amazon.

Amazon. com: The American Dream:
http://www. amazon. com/American-Dream-Immigrant-Christian-Believers/dp/1568583524/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221242315&sr=8-2

I’m pretty excited as Harmon is an excellent writer and very funny comedian. I’m honored to be sharing page space with him.

Join the Ali Empire before I get too expensive for you…order now!

More publishings from me soon.

xoxo
Ali